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10 Tips To Keep Your Relationship Connected And Conflict-Free Under Stress | BABH S2Ep114

season 2 Jan 11, 2022

EPISODE 114: 10 Tips To Keep Your Relationship Connected And Conflict-Free Under Stress

A lot of relationships break down (or explode) right in the middle of a big life event; moving house, having children, dealing with sickness - these events are naturally inclined to heighten stress.

Under stress it’s very common to bring our focus inside and go into self-preservation mode.

That then tends to activate old (and often unhealthy) survival strategies, leading to behaviours like lashing out, withdrawal, criticism and blame… all of which can be hugely painful, damaging to your relationship and ultimately don’t get us what we really want.

All this on top of the actual situation that needs dealing with! No wonder so many relationships buckle under the pressure!

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

What I’ve found is, a bit of mindfulness, a few key relationship mindsets and some positive responses towards each other (and the situation) under stress can make it possible to meet any life challenge kindly and constructively; in a way that can, not only make it possible for the situation to be dealt with as effectively as possible, but is likely to actually strengthen the relationship.

With that in mind, in this episode I’m going to offer you my top 10 Tips To Keep Your Relationship Connected And Conflict-Free Under Stress.

If you can adopt even a few of these, next time life throws you a curve ball you’ll have a much greater chance of coming out smiling.

So stay with me, hit that play button and let’s dive in!

Quick Links from this episode:


Examples of big life events that commonly cause relationship stress:

  • Moving House
  • Weddings/Funerals (and all that goes with it - wills, sorting etc.)
  • Dealing with sickness
  • Dealing with tricky family situations (adult child with addictions/parents with dementia)
  • Going away on holiday
  • Having children
  • Big employment changes
  • Taking further education later in life

Note: even if it seems to only directly effect one - it effects both.

The 10 Tips:

Note: Following these tips doesn't require doing (or having done) a ton of personal growth; It's more about the underlying attitude.

Tips 1-4: Mindset/Attitudes/Set-Up

1. Use a ’together’ mantra - “we’ll figure it out”
2. Engage with the process - muck in (doing), Talk/share/input (prep/decisions)
3. Celebrate/honour the differences between you (linked to decisions/mucking in) - play to your strengths - it’s not a literal balance sheet
4. Bits n Bob’s and Bollocks - knick-knacks for move - any stressful event has B&B&B… discerning what’s clutter, what doesn’t really matter (and what does) plus what’s bollocks i.e. what’s just a red herring that can take you down a fruitless or unhealthy road.

Tips 5-10: Specific approaches that help keep you conflict-free and in togetherness/connection (esp. when the stress hits)

5. Celebrate the wins - e.g. each dump run, each room, each box
6. Don’t try to fix the other person - Sometimes a hug is better than any words - Stay positive for each other (reassure + validation)
7. Laugh at it all (have fun - poke in the eye)
8. Focus on the ‘reason why’, the outcome - dream together
9. Don’t take triggers personally - if you’re triggered be clear it’s not about them (NPA).
10. Keep a medical kit handy - moving: literal - also process work (NPA)

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Episode 67 Understanding how your (and your partners) core personality type responds in a challenge can be a very useful tool in understanding each other: LISTEN HERE

Episode 58 Like tip lists? Here's a great one for dealing with intense negativity (eg. when your partner gets triggered!): LISTEN HERE


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