A lot of relationships break down (or explode) right in the middle of a big life event; moving house, having children, dealing with sickness - these events are naturally inclined to heighten stress.
Under stress it’s very common to bring our focus inside and go into self-preservation mode.
That then tends to activate old (and often unhealthy) survival strategies, leading to behaviours like lashing out, withdrawal, criticism and blame… all of which can be hugely painful, damaging to your relationship and ultimately don’t get us what we really want.
All this on top of the actual situation that needs dealing with! No wonder so many relationships buckle under the pressure!
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
What I’ve found is, a bit of mindfulness, a few key relationship mindsets and some positive responses towards each other (and the situation) under stress can make it possible to meet any life challenge kindly and constructively; in a way that can, not only make it possible for the situation to be dealt with as effectively as possible, but is likely to actually strengthen the relationship.
With that in mind, in this episode I’m going to offer you my top 10 Tips To Keep Your Relationship Connected And Conflict-Free Under Stress.
If you can adopt even a few of these, next time life throws you a curve ball you’ll have a much greater chance of coming out smiling.
So stay with me, hit that play button and let’s dive in!
Quick Links from this episode:
Note: even if it seems to only directly effect one - it effects both.
Note: Following these tips doesn't require doing (or having done) a ton of personal growth; It's more about the underlying attitude.
Tips 1-4: Mindset/Attitudes/Set-Up
1. Use a ’together’ mantra - “we’ll figure it out”
2. Engage with the process - muck in (doing), Talk/share/input (prep/decisions)
3. Celebrate/honour the differences between you (linked to decisions/mucking in) - play to your strengths - it’s not a literal balance sheet
4. Bits n Bob’s and Bollocks - knick-knacks for move - any stressful event has B&B&B… discerning what’s clutter, what doesn’t really matter (and what does) plus what’s bollocks i.e. what’s just a red herring that can take you down a fruitless or unhealthy road.
Tips 5-10: Specific approaches that help keep you conflict-free and in togetherness/connection (esp. when the stress hits)
5. Celebrate the wins - e.g. each dump run, each room, each box
6. Don’t try to fix the other person - Sometimes a hug is better than any words - Stay positive for each other (reassure + validation)
7. Laugh at it all (have fun - poke in the eye)
8. Focus on the ‘reason why’, the outcome - dream together
9. Don’t take triggers personally - if you’re triggered be clear it’s not about them (NPA).
10. Keep a medical kit handy - moving: literal - also process work (NPA)
Genius changemakers, coaches and wellbeing practitioners all have one thing in common:
They get out of their own way and let the magic happen through them.
No agenda, no resistance and no limiting self-consciousness in the healing space.
It seems like a gift; innate and reserved for the chosen ones... but the reality is, it's a skill.
In this training, you will uncover that Mastery in yourself.
Email me for a chat via [email protected].
If you'd like some expert support as you undergo this process (especially if you're having a hard time with this kind of situation) then reach out and let me help you.
You can check out my session details and even set up a quick chat with me: Get in touch and let's have a chat about some 1:1 sessions with me.
Episode 67 Understanding how your (and your partners) core personality type responds in a challenge can be a very useful tool in understanding each other: LISTEN HERE
Episode 58 Like tip lists? Here's a great one for dealing with intense negativity (eg. when your partner gets triggered!): LISTEN HERE
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