The Validation Series Part 2: Self Validation | BABH S2Ep121

EPISODE 121: The Validation Series Part 2: Self Validation

When it comes to validation, most of the time we seek it from others.

But where does self-validation fit in?

This is part 2 of my 3 part Validation Series where you’ll discover exactly what you need to know about the important (and often misunderstood) topic of validation.

Last week we looked at seeking validation from others, today we’re covering self-validation and next week we’ll explore how you can validate others for a more connected human experience.

Today, in Part 2, I’ll be answering the questions:

• What is self-validation?
• What are some of the common blocks to self-validation?
• How do I know if my self-validation is fake and what does genuine self-validation look like?
• What’s the link between self-validation and the health of your personality?

Plus, I’ll offer you 4 self-validation practices you can use to bring a deeper stability into your life.

So click that play button and let’s dive in.

Quick Links from this episode:

• NPA Mastery: CLICK HERE
• 1:1 Sessions with Joel: CLICK HERE
• The NPA Process (Free Download): CLICK HERE
   

NOTES:

What is self-validation?

Self validation: "The feeling of having recognised, confirmed, or established one's own worthiness or legitimacy"

• Requires no approval
• Is an act of empathy, understanding and simply witnessing your inner workings
• Ia an act of humility with self (I am human)

Blocks to self-validation

• There's a link between self-abandonment and not self-validating
  • Gives rise to unhealthy seeking
• Underlying energy of "I don’t matter"
  • My opinion of myself doesn’t count
  • Lack of self-approval
  • Subjugating sense of self to others
• Refusal or inability to see yourself as you are
  • Pride
  • Stubbornness
  • Fear
  • Unconscious identity blindness (it’s just not who I am)
  • Possible inheritance from upbringing

Fake self-validation vs authentic self-validation

Fake

• A lot of fake “I’m the bomb” stuff
• Affirmations that don’t ‘click’ (see ep118 for my take on affirmations like those)
  • The worst of ‘positive thinking’
• It's more about presenting an image and seeking approval
  • or trying to appear as something you don’t actually believe you are
• Pumping up/inflating the ego
  • Seeks approval (requires agreement)
  • Nothing to do with authentic self-validation

Authentic

• A humble acknowledgement of what’s actually here
  • Your inner process
  • Your struggles
  • Your successes
  • Your greatness
  • All equally valid

Self-validation as the basis of a stable personality

• Doesn’t require outside approval - it is what it is
• As in healthy seeking of validation, part of the humility is the recognition that you’re not alone and it’s ok to ask for help/support
  • With both you have two legs not one - you can lean into either
    • In a more hostile/unknown environment you can lean into self-validation
    • In a cosy intimate setting there may be times when it’s scrummy to lean into and receive from the other (tho it goes both ways - next episode!)
• Self-validation is dynamic/fluid nature (vs static approval)
  • With dynamic fluid energy - YOU become way more fluid and dynamic…
  • vs self-authoritarian (which is likely someone else’s play book of authority anyway!)

Four self-validation practices

1. Journal 
   Self-report feelings/experiences
   Ask "Why is that OK?"
   Check authenticity of reasoning
2. Historical empathy 
   Old memories
   Empathise with younger self
3. Dissociative empathy 
   Step outside yourself and look at you
   Now practice empathy (be your best mate/the kindest person you know)
   "I see that you’re feeling X, you’re telling yourself Y, well then that makes sense"
4. Radical self-honesty 
   Simply practice being super honest with yourself about your feelings
   (dishonesty breaks trust and splits the personality)

NPA Mastery (The NPA Certified Practitioner Training)

Unlock Your Genius In Service To Your Clients

Genius changemakers, coaches and wellbeing practitioners all have one thing in common:

They get out of their own way and let the magic happen through them.
No agenda, no resistance and no limiting self-consciousness in the healing space.

It seems like a gift; innate and reserved for the chosen ones... but the reality is, it's a skill.

In this training, you will uncover that Mastery in yourself.

Click Here To Find Out More & Enrol

Email me for a chat via [email protected].

RELATED EPISODES

Episode 120 Check out Part 1 of this series to get the groundwork and insights into seeking validation from others: LISTEN HERE

Episode 118 For more on why I believe there's a better way to do affirmations than what you've probably heard, check out this episode: LISTEN HERE

RELATED LINKS:

Support Can Really Help: Let Me Help You

If you'd like some expert support as you undergo this process (especially if you're having a hard time with this kind of situation) then reach out and let me help you.

You can check out my session details and even set up a quick chat with me: Get in touch and let's have a chat about some 1:1 sessions with me. 

Discover Exactly How To See Through All Those Abusive Mind-Games People Play On You; Become Immune To Their Tricks And Sneaky Tactics And Ensure You Can
NEVER BE MANIPULATED AGAIN.

If you've been triggered, manipulated and feel like you're weirdly controllable by someone - whether by a boss, a loved one, an ex, somebody who calls themselves a friend… then click through and GET BULLETPROOF today!

Having poor boundaries can be the crux of so much suffering and is a major cause of chronic self-esteem issues. Over 4 weeks this programme digs deep and offers profound life-transformation; giving you everything you need to overcome your boundary blocks and build healthy boundaries that work for you.

GET BOUNDARY BOOTCAMP

The #LoggerHeadsToLoverHearts 5 Day Challenge

Are you at loggerheads with a partner, spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend or colleague?Join the challenge and free the logjam. Break the cycle of frustration and feel the relief of forward movement again!

Click the button below for 5 powerful days that will release your relational logjam:

Click Here To Find Out More & Get Instant Access

Click image to get The NPA Process Sheet for free 👆🏻

For in-depth training on how to live the resistance-free way, find out more and jump in to The NPA Process: Advanced Training 

1:1 Sessions with Joel 👆🏻