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The Validation Series Part 2: Self Validation | BABH S2Ep121

season 2 Mar 01, 2022

EPISODE 121: The Validation Series Part 2: Self Validation

When it comes to validation, most of the time we seek it from others.

But where does self-validation fit in?

This is part 2 of my 3 part Validation Series where you’ll discover exactly what you need to know about the important (and often misunderstood) topic of validation.

Last week we looked at seeking validation from others, today we’re covering self-validation and next week we’ll explore how you can validate others for a more connected human experience.

Today, in Part 2, I’ll be answering the questions:

  • What is self-validation?
  • What are some of the common blocks to self-validation?
  • How do I know if my self-validation is fake and what does genuine self-validation look like?
  • What’s the link between self-validation and the health of your personality?

Plus, I’ll offer you 4 self-validation practices you can use to bring a deeper stability into your life.

So click that play button and let’s dive in.

Quick Links from this episode:


What is self-validation?

Self validation: "The feeling of having recognised, confirmed, or established one's own worthiness or legitimacy"

  • Requires no approval
  • Is an act of empathy, understanding and simply witnessing your inner workings
  • Ia an act of humility with self (I am human)

Blocks to self-validation

  • There's a link between self-abandonment and not self-validating
    • Gives rise to unhealthy seeking
  • Underlying energy of "I don’t matter"
    • My opinion of myself doesn’t count
    • Lack of self-approval
    • Subjugating sense of self to others
  • Refusal or inability to see yourself as you are
    • Pride
    • Stubbornness
    • Fear
    • Unconscious identity blindness (it’s just not who I am)
    • Possible inheritance from upbringing

Fake self-validation vs authentic self-validation


  • A lot of fake “I’m the bomb” stuff
  • Affirmations that don’t ‘click’ (see ep118 for my take on affirmations like those)
    • The worst of ‘positive thinking’
  • It's more about presenting an image and seeking approval
    • or trying to appear as something you don’t actually believe you are
  • Pumping up/inflating the ego
    • Seeks approval (requires agreement)
    • Nothing to do with authentic self-validation


  • A humble acknowledgement of what’s actually here
    • Your inner process
    • Your struggles
    • Your successes
    • Your greatness
    • All equally valid

Self-validation as the basis of a stable personality

  • Doesn’t require outside approval - it is what it is
  • As in healthy seeking of validation, part of the humility is the recognition that you’re not alone and it’s ok to ask for help/support
    • With both you have two legs not one - you can lean into either
      • In a more hostile/unknown environment you can lean into self-validation
      • In a cosy intimate setting there may be times when it’s scrummy to lean into and receive from the other (tho it goes both ways - next episode!)
  • Self-validation is dynamic/fluid nature (vs static approval)
    • With dynamic fluid energy - YOU become way more fluid and dynamic…
    • vs self-authoritarian (which is likely someone else’s play book of authority anyway!)

Four self-validation practices

  1. Journal 
    Self-report feelings/experiences
    Ask "Why is that OK?"
    Check authenticity of reasoning
  2. Historical empathy 
    Old memories
    Empathise with younger self
  3. Dissociative empathy 
    Step outside yourself and look at you
    Now practice empathy (be your best mate/the kindest person you know)
    "I see that you’re feeling X, you’re telling yourself Y, well then that makes sense"
  4. Radical self-honesty 
    Simply practice being super honest with yourself about your feelings
    (dishonesty breaks trust and splits the personality)

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Episode 120 Check out Part 1 of this series to get the groundwork and insights into seeking validation from others: LISTEN HERE

Episode 118 For more on why I believe there's a better way to do affirmations than what you've probably heard, check out this episode: LISTEN HERE


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