The Validation Series Part 1: Seeking Validation From Others | BABH S2Ep120

EPISODE 120: The Validation Series Part 1: Seeking Validation From Others

Do you feel sufficiently validated in your life, yourself, your relationships?

Well, in this and the next 2 episodes you’ll discover exactly what you need to know about the important (and often misunderstood) topic of validation.

We’ll look at seeking validation from others, self-validation and how you can validate others for a more connected human experience.

Today we’ll do the groundwork where I’ll be answering the questions:

• What is validation?
• Are validation and approval the same thing?
• Why does validation matter?

Then we’ll look at some of the myths about seeking validation from others and you’ll find out the one key discernment you need to make before looking for validation outside of yourself.

So click that play button and let’s dive in.

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NOTES:

What is validation?

Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person's thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviours as understandable.

Validation vs Approval

Approval:

• Comes with implicit agreement
  • Can imply permission granted (therefore permission required)
• Approval is static
  • Dependent, fixed

Validation:

• Acceptance, recognition, witnessing
  • Does not require approval or even agreement
• Validation is fluid
  • Unconditional, dynamic

Why does validation matter?

• Needed as part of our inter-relating and inner wellbeing
• Used unhealthily it can lead to:
  • Unhealthy relationships, crippling low self-esteem, limitations on life and even self-damaging behaviours
• Used healthily it can lead to:
  • Super stable thriving relationships, rock solid self-esteem, unlimited possibilities and self-empowered choices!

Seeking Validation from Others

Seeking validation often seen as bad (needy, un-empowered, weak, vulnerable) - but it’s natural and human. Ideally we can decrease the reliance on validation from others and increase our ability to self-validate (part 2)

Key Discernment: What is healthy vs what is unhealthy

Unhealthy Seeking

• Craving
  • Sense of self is dependant on another’s validation
  • Genuine need becomes a neediness
  • Insatiable by anything external (bottomless pit)
• It’s OK, we all need a pick-me-up from time to time - but not a way of life
  • External validation is not sustainable
• Identification - fundamental insecurity
  • Being seen (the way you wanna be seen)
  • Can become force, projected judgement, division and separation
• The hook is often needing to prove/disprove something about you
  • Normally something you secretly believe is true.
  • Can lead to selling out your integrity for approval
  • e.g., Instagram followers = validation of self (not new to social media, it’s as old as the hills)

Healthy Seeking

• Acknowledging our transitory desires, needs and humanity
  • Comes from humility
• Feeling understood and accepted is a basic herd need
  • The humility of it is accepting help, support
  • Interdependence (as distinct from independence [myth] or co-dependence)
• Creates connection
• Natural process for bonding, mating
• Confirmation your communication is effective
• Being seen/heard/understood (the way you actually are)
  • Knowing it’s ok to feel what you feel (all feelings are valid) note: doesn’t require agreement
• Satiable
  • Whether temporary insecure moment or communication/understanding check

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RELATED EPISODES

Episode 115 Another 3 Part Series to binge listen to! This time on The 3 Kinds of Conflict: LISTEN HERE

Episode 93 If you like exploring those subtle discernment, check out this episode: LISTEN HERE

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