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Healthy vs Unhealthy Boundaries | How To Tell The Difference & Spot The Myths | BABH S1Ep43

season 1 Jul 21, 2020

EPISODE 43: Healthy vs Unhealthy Boundaries | How To Tell The Difference & Spot The Myths

In this episode you'll discover what boundaries are and what are they not.

Plus I'll give you a simple way to identify when your boundaries are crossed, because when we have poor boundaries sometimes we have no idea when that's happening until it all feels too late. So this will help you intervene and take care of yourself quicker.

You'll also discover the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries and find where the roots of unhealthy boundaries come from so you can start to identify where your boundary issues may come from that doesn't involve self-blame or self-recrimination.

I also explore some common myths around boundaries, so you'll get some clarity on what they are and why they are not true; because buying into these myths can prevent you from stepping into your own boundaries and prolonging the painful experience of being a push-over and not feeling like you matter.

You deserve better than that - so click that play button and let's get into it



  • Guidelines for how you relate to yourself and the rest of the world
  • Codes/rules of conduct (built from a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences, social learning)
  • They operate in two directions, effecting both incoming and outgoing interactions
  • They help you define YOU by outlining your likes and dislikes

Types of Boundaries:

  • Physical
  • Emotional
  • Mental
  • Spiritual
  • Sexual

Boundaries are as easily defined as what feels good and what doesn't feel good to you (what works for you and what doesn't work for you)

They are that line that uniquely defines your personal happiness, integrity, desires, needs and truth

The Root Of Poor Boundaries

Not being able to stand in who you are (ashamed of who you truly are or making in wrong in some way).

This can come from invalidation of our feelings and expressions in childhood. This leads to survival strategies and the building of a false self and denials of our true feelings and needs.

Do You Have Poor Boundaries?

Good questions to ask yourself:

  • Do I know what I really want?
  • Do I let other people tell me what to think, or believe or how to feel?
  • Do I do things that I don't really want to do?
  • Do I say yes when I really want to say no (or say no when I really want to say yes)?
  • Am I afraid to let people know how I really feel?
  • Am I afraid of people thinking negatively about me?

If these questions tell you that you have boundary issues, then make sure you get on the Boundary Bootcamp Waitlist.


Boundaries are not about resistance to what's not wanted

Resistance creates walls, not boundaries. They are generally phrased in terms that are trying to control others

A wall and anything that tries to control others would be an unhealthy boundary

A lot of the confusion around boundaries is the idea that boundaries equate with resistance.

Boundaries are about freedom; in all directions.
Boundaries are about YOU.


Spiritual Myth: Your authentic 'real' self has no boundaries, so aspiring to have no boundaries makes you more enlightened, spiritual or a better person.

Not true. Boundaries are what defines your Divine expression as a human being living in a world of form.

Cultural Myths: Holding boundaries means you're being selfish, difficult, belligerent, unkind etc.

Not true. A healthy boundary is simply a statement of who you are and what works for you and what doesn't. It is based on freedom, not resistance (which may indeed be an act of unkindness, belligerence etc)

Power Struggles: In relationships - tit-for-tat, point scoring, competitive 'boundary setting' which really has nothing to do with boundaries and is more about control and power struggles.

Feelings are fluid. Boundaries are fluid.
So your boundaries will always be evolving.


Boundary issues are one of THE main causes of relational conflict, heart ache and a lack of purpose.

In a few short weeks, I’m going to be re-opening Boundary Bootcamp, my stellar 4 week online course where you’ll get everything you need to overcome your boundary blocks, build healthy boundaries that work for you (and hold them, even in the face of resistance) so you can start feeling great about yourself, revamp your relationships so they’re juicier, healthier and harmonious without you having to compromise and create a life that works for you!

Don't miss the launch offer:



1:1 Sessions with Joel 👆🏻

Click image to get The NPA Process Sheet for free 👆🏻




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