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3 Kinds Of Conflict (That Cause Shut Down And Pain) | Part 2: Conflict With Others | BABH S2Ep116

season 2 Jan 25, 2022

EPISODE 116: 3 Kinds Of Conflict (That Cause Shut Down And Pain) | Part 2: Conflict With Others

Today’s episode is part 2 of a 3 part series looking at the challenges, psychology and impact of conflict issues.

We’re exploring the 3 kinds of conflict that, from working with my clients and in groups, I’ve found to be the number one cause of feeling blocked, stuck and confused.

In these episodes I want to give you some insight into each of the 3 kinds of conflict. In particular what may be happening internally that get’s you all blocked up and stuck in a rut. And I’ll be offering some pointers on what you can do to move forward.

This is really important because, from what I’ve seen and experienced, staying stuck (a probably lost) in the conflict - perhaps not even realising there’s conflict at the heart of an issue - can be very very costly.

Today we’re looking at conflict with others, including the most obvious forms of that, like in relationships but also with how it manifests as conflict with groups of people and conflicts with different ideologies!

Also I’ve got a live zoom event coming up where I’ll be showing you how you can use the simplest and most effective tool I know for resolving all 3 kinds of conflict. It’s an NPA framework that you can use with your clients (if you have them - in fact I pretty much use it with every single client I see and it works like magic)… and of course it’s an amazing way to help you with your own conflict issues. Make sure you stick around to the end if you want to hear all about the event.

So stay with me, hit that play button and let’s dive in to Part 2: Conflict with Others!

Quick Links from this episode:


Old Paradigm vs Non-Personal Model of Relating:

  • Relational space - Energy - energetic aspects (similar model works for all 3 kinds of conflict)
  • We thinking not me thinking
  • What serves the relationship vs the self
  • Doesn’t exclude the self - no compromise

Conflict With Others:

What Is It?

  • ‘Others’: Anyone or anything that’s not you
  • Classic relational - another person - partner, parent, kids, boss, friend, someone on the street
  • Conflict with a group - a particular family, a community, us and them
  • Leads to: conflict with an idea/ideology - polarisation in society
  • Internal - good/bad girl - identities - also true in relational conflict - an identity is the epitome of personalisation - that’s me that is - residency and attachment - ID’s fight for survival (win/lose) - ideas can threaten identities
  • Leads to: different motivations and fears (as internal)
  • Difference is less naturally empowered to evolve identities when they are resident outside yourself.

What happens internally (when there’s an issue) + External impact (cost)

  • Fear of conflict (Conflict Averse - withdrawal)
    • Passivity, people pleasing, denying your own needs, no boundaries (boundary bootcamp), subject to manipulation… leads to…
    • Resentment - fruitless complaining to others, victim, rescue complex, disempowerment, compromise (compromise as lying), inauthentic, limiting of expressions… leads to…
    • Unfulfilled life, breakdown of relationships, mistrust of self, untrustworthy to others - the energetics can be subtle - but incongruences are usually singing loud and clear at the energetic level and we are all energetically sensitive creatures.
  • The Bull Mentality
    • Seems to be the answer - just be more aggressive (assertive)?
    • Still doesn’t work - squashing identities - passivity is “I will become you”, Bull is “you will become me” - Unity ideology (Ep74) - ultimately identity/true individuality can’t take it - rebellion… it was never “we thinking” - we are all individual parts of the whole.
    • Bull mentality is just a disguised fear - fear of true relational connection - fear of loss of identity. Normally is confusingly isolating and a world without trust because those who are capitulating aren’t being true - no wonder you often feel lied to and the world is full of disingenuous people that can’t be trusted.

NOTE: All this comes from a basic fear of conflict and there are simple ways to resolve that. The best I know of is what I'll be teaching you at The Harmony Equation Event.

A Perspective Gem That Will Help The Symptoms

  • Different perspectives with attachment/meanings
    • Most conflict comes down to this (all 3 kinds) - but especially apparent in conflict with others
    • Finding the meta intention (just like internal conflict) - but often this about conversation around meanings - exploring each others meanings
  • Attachment - trickier - if someone is attached - “my way is the right way” 
  • Maybe you?
    • If you - ask yourself if it’s ultimately helping you get what you want (usually it’s not, and even if it seems to work, it’s usually untrue - someone has compromised - not wholehearted therefore unsustainable)
  • The Harmony Equation is a way to work energetically with that stuck conflict
    • Other person doesn’t have to be present
    • If they are - and up for it - it’s amazing! Great couples therapy - or business inter-colleague work

And the simplest cure for conflict issues?

Book your place on The Harmony Equation

Discover the world's simplest tool for resolving conflict and finding harmony.

Whether it's conflict with others, inner conflict or issues that come up for you when those around you are in conflict, this workshop will give you the keys to inner peace, harmony and resolution.

Click Here To Find Out More & Get Your Ticket


Episode 115 Here's Part 1 of this 3 part series, which I also recommend you listen toLISTEN HERE

Episode 74 This is a great episode to get some background on the new paradigm of relating which underpins The Harmony Equation: LISTEN HERE


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