3 Kinds Of Conflict (That Cause Shut Down And Pain) | Part 2: Conflict With Others | BABH S2Ep116

EPISODE 116: 3 Kinds Of Conflict (That Cause Shut Down And Pain) | Part 2: Conflict With Others

Today’s episode is part 2 of a 3 part series looking at the challenges, psychology and impact of conflict issues.

We’re exploring the 3 kinds of conflict that, from working with my clients and in groups, I’ve found to be the number one cause of feeling blocked, stuck and confused.

In these episodes I want to give you some insight into each of the 3 kinds of conflict. In particular what may be happening internally that get’s you all blocked up and stuck in a rut. And I’ll be offering some pointers on what you can do to move forward.

This is really important because, from what I’ve seen and experienced, staying stuck (a probably lost) in the conflict - perhaps not even realising there’s conflict at the heart of an issue - can be very very costly.

Today we’re looking at conflict with others, including the most obvious forms of that, like in relationships but also with how it manifests as conflict with groups of people and conflicts with different ideologies!

Also I’ve got a live zoom event coming up where I’ll be showing you how you can use the simplest and most effective tool I know for resolving all 3 kinds of conflict. It’s an NPA framework that you can use with your clients (if you have them - in fact I pretty much use it with every single client I see and it works like magic)… and of course it’s an amazing way to help you with your own conflict issues. Make sure you stick around to the end if you want to hear all about the event.

So stay with me, hit that play button and let’s dive in to Part 2: Conflict with Others!

Quick Links from this episode:

• The Harmony Equation (Event): CLICK HERE
• NPA Mastery: CLICK HERE
• The NPA Process (Free Download): CLICK HERE
   

NOTES:

Old Paradigm vs Non-Personal Model of Relating:

• Relational space - Energy - energetic aspects (similar model works for all 3 kinds of conflict)
• We thinking not me thinking
• What serves the relationship vs the self
• Doesn’t exclude the self - no compromise

Conflict With Others:

What Is It?

• ‘Others’: Anyone or anything that’s not you
• Classic relational - another person - partner, parent, kids, boss, friend, someone on the street
• Conflict with a group - a particular family, a community, us and them
• Leads to: conflict with an idea/ideology - polarisation in society
• Internal - good/bad girl - identities - also true in relational conflict - an identity is the epitome of personalisation - that’s me that is - residency and attachment - ID’s fight for survival (win/lose) - ideas can threaten identities
• Leads to: different motivations and fears (as internal)
• Difference is less naturally empowered to evolve identities when they are resident outside yourself.

What happens internally (when there’s an issue) + External impact (cost)

• Fear of conflict (Conflict Averse - withdrawal)
  • Passivity, people pleasing, denying your own needs, no boundaries (boundary bootcamp), subject to manipulation… leads to…
  • Resentment - fruitless complaining to others, victim, rescue complex, disempowerment, compromise (compromise as lying), inauthentic, limiting of expressions… leads to…
  • Unfulfilled life, breakdown of relationships, mistrust of self, untrustworthy to others - the energetics can be subtle - but incongruences are usually singing loud and clear at the energetic level and we are all energetically sensitive creatures.
• The Bull Mentality
  • Seems to be the answer - just be more aggressive (assertive)?
  • Still doesn’t work - squashing identities - passivity is “I will become you”, Bull is “you will become me” - Unity ideology (Ep74) - ultimately identity/true individuality can’t take it - rebellion… it was never “we thinking” - we are all individual parts of the whole.
  • Bull mentality is just a disguised fear - fear of true relational connection - fear of loss of identity. Normally is confusingly isolating and a world without trust because those who are capitulating aren’t being true - no wonder you often feel lied to and the world is full of disingenuous people that can’t be trusted.

NOTE: All this comes from a basic fear of conflict and there are simple ways to resolve that. The best I know of is what I'll be teaching you at The Harmony Equation Event.

A Perspective Gem That Will Help The Symptoms

• Different perspectives with attachment/meanings
  • Most conflict comes down to this (all 3 kinds) - but especially apparent in conflict with others
  • Finding the meta intention (just like internal conflict) - but often this about conversation around meanings - exploring each others meanings
• Attachment - trickier - if someone is attached - “my way is the right way” 
• Maybe you?
  • If you - ask yourself if it’s ultimately helping you get what you want (usually it’s not, and even if it seems to work, it’s usually untrue - someone has compromised - not wholehearted therefore unsustainable)
• The Harmony Equation is a way to work energetically with that stuck conflict
  • Other person doesn’t have to be present
  • If they are - and up for it - it’s amazing! Great couples therapy - or business inter-colleague work

And the simplest cure for conflict issues?

Book your place on The Harmony Equation

Discover the world's simplest tool for resolving conflict and finding harmony.

Whether it's conflict with others, inner conflict or issues that come up for you when those around you are in conflict, this workshop will give you the keys to inner peace, harmony and resolution.

Click Here To Find Out More & Get Your Ticket

RELATED EPISODES

Episode 115 Here's Part 1 of this 3 part series, which I also recommend you listen to: LISTEN HERE

Episode 74 This is a great episode to get some background on the new paradigm of relating which underpins The Harmony Equation: LISTEN HERE

RELATED LINKS:

NPA Mastery (The NPA Certified Practitioner Training)

Unlock Your Genius In Service To Your Clients

Genius changemakers, coaches and wellbeing practitioners all have one thing in common:

They get out of their own way and let the magic happen through them.
No agenda, no resistance and no limiting self-consciousness in the healing space.

It seems like a gift; innate and reserved for the chosen ones... but the reality is, it's a skill.

In this training, you will uncover that Mastery in yourself.

Click Here To Find Out More & Enrol

Email me for a chat via [email protected].

Support Can Really Help: Let Me Help You

If you'd like some expert support as you undergo this process (especially if you're having a hard time with this kind of situation) then reach out and let me help you.

You can check out my session details and even set up a quick chat with me: Get in touch and let's have a chat about some 1:1 sessions with me. 

Discover Exactly How To See Through All Those Abusive Mind-Games People Play On You; Become Immune To Their Tricks And Sneaky Tactics And Ensure You Can
NEVER BE MANIPULATED AGAIN.

If you've been triggered, manipulated and feel like you're weirdly controllable by someone - whether by a boss, a loved one, an ex, somebody who calls themselves a friend… then click through and GET BULLETPROOF today!

Having poor boundaries can be the crux of so much suffering and is a major cause of chronic self-esteem issues. Over 4 weeks this programme digs deep and offers profound life-transformation; giving you everything you need to overcome your boundary blocks and build healthy boundaries that work for you.

GET BOUNDARY BOOTCAMP

The #LoggerHeadsToLoverHearts 5 Day Challenge

Are you at loggerheads with a partner, spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend or colleague?Join the challenge and free the logjam. Break the cycle of frustration and feel the relief of forward movement again!

Click the button below for 5 powerful days that will release your relational logjam:

Click Here To Find Out More & Get Instant Access

Click image to get The NPA Process Sheet for free 👆🏻

For in-depth training on how to live the resistance-free way, find out more and jump in to The NPA Process: Advanced Training 

1:1 Sessions with Joel 👆🏻