Feeling Responsible vs Caring For Other People’s Emotions | BABH S1Ep93

EPISODE 93: Feeling Responsible vs Caring For Other People’s Emotions

There’s a lot of human suffering that comes on the back of some skewed ideas in answer to the question “Are we responsible for the emotions of others?”

If we are responsible then that’s a lot of weight to bare; how then do we care for ourselves?

And if we believe we’re not responsible then does that mean we shouldn’t care about what other people feel? And isn’t that cold and heartless?

Entangling the idea of caring and taking responsibility for other people's feelings is where most of this confusion lies.

So today we’re going to explore the topic of responsibility for emotions and look at where care comes into the picture.

I’ve made this episode in the hope that it helps you understand the source of your feelings, the source of their feelings and show you how you can care deeply without taking on the burden of responsibilities that are not yours.

And on the back of that, I’ll also share some tips on how to have empowering communication that demonstrates care and promotes deeper connection, understanding and togetherness (without taking on inappropriate responsibilities).

It’s a jam-packed episode so hit that play button and let’s get into it!

NOTES:

"I'm responsible" vs "Their feelings: Not my problem"

I'm Responsible Model:

• It's my fault
• Limits true expression to 'not hurt others'
  
  • Disempowers them
  • Limited expression is subtle lie/untruth (and at time manipulation)
  • Not sharing YOU (who you really are)
• Resentment builds
• Secondary gains: avoiding conflict, not standing in your truth (hiding)

Not My Problem Model:

• 'We create our own reality' becomes 'F*** you'
• Sucks to be you
  
  • Can remove a sense of humanity
  • Cold
  • Doesn't empathise
  • Disconnected
• Expecting everyone (but you) to be enlightened

Mapping Where Feelings Come From

HAPPENING > INTERPRETATION/MEANING/STORY > FEELING

For example:

HAPPENING: Facial expression

INTERPRETATION: Looking at me funny
MEANING: That means they're judging me
STORY: They think I'm incompetent and they're going to talk about me to X/Y/Z

FEELING: Anger

Using The Map For Internal Checks

1. Unwanted feeling?
2. What interpretation, meaning or story am I telling myself?
3. Is that actually true? Is there a kinder (more aligning) story?

Using The Map For Understanding Their Feelings

1. Challenging feeling expressed your way?
2. What interpretation, meaning or story might they be telling themselves?
3. Dialogue/explore

DISTINCTION: Caring about them and that they are feeling rubbish WAY different to taking responsibility for their emotions

Taking responsibility for any CONTRIBUTION to them having their story:

1. Listen to their story...
2. Are they right?
   ie were you being passive aggressive, judgemental etc
   1. YES?
      Admit it, dialogue, explore, apologise, validate
   2. NO?
      Understand and validate their feelings
      (Ask yourself "If I told myself that story might I feel like they do?"
      Validate, offer your perspective, be kind

This approach creates:

• Dialogue
• Exploration
• Deeper honesty
• Deeper connection
• Deeper understanding
• Progress/Growth
• Maturity
• Togetherness

Support Can Really Help: Let Me Help You

If you'd like some expert support as you undergo this process (especially if you're having a hard time with this kind of situation) then reach out and let me help you.

You can check out my session details and even set up a quick chat with me: Get in touch and let's have a chat about some 1:1 sessions with me. 

RELATED EPISODES

Episode 60 I mentioned our polarised society; this episodes helps you understand and embrace your polarities LISTEN HERE

Episode 2 Embodying new information takes practice and time. The 5 Point Blueprint is a great help to this process LISTEN HERE

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