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The Validation Series Part 3: Giving Validation | BABH S2Ep122

season 2 Mar 08, 2022

EPISODE 122: The Validation Series Part 3: Giving Validation

Giving validation is a gift to any relationship and the rewards are multitudinous and profound.

When you bring a validation practice into the relationships of your life, you’re setting yourself up for a more connected human experience.

So, what does it take to give validation?

This is part 3 of my 3 part Validation Series where we’re exploring exactly what you need to know about the important (and often misunderstood) topic of validation.

Having looked at seeking validation from others and self-validation in parts 1 and 2, today we’re going beyond ourselves and looking at the powerful art of giving validation.

So today, you’ll discover:

  • Why giving validation matters
  • The difference between sympathy and validation
  • The 3 relationship stages where validation is pivotal to success
  • The 6 levels of validation
  • The fundamental skills you need to practice in order to effectively validate others

Giving validation is probably one of the most important skills you can give attention to.

So click that play button and let’s dive in.

Quick Links from this episode:


Why does giving validation matter?

  • It's a gift to any relationship
  • The fact is people do need validation
  • Validation relaxes us, helps us feel safe and connected
    • Therefore more resourceful, open and available
    • Feelings that are expressed and validated with empathy are relieved” Naomi Feil

Sympathy vs Validation

  • Validation is empathy
    • Getting you out of the way to acknowledge what’s actually here for another
  • Sympathy is about you
    • Often has an agenda
    • Worst case is redirection and diversion (positive thinking)

3 relationship stages where validation is pivotal to success

  • Strengthening:
    • Strong foundations, building trust and connection.
  • Repairing:
    • More than ever after a boundary has been crossed or some crappy behaviour - ownership and validation - post affair - getting out of defence.
  • Deepening relationship:
    • Going through edges and comfort zones - trickier waters, validation brings safety, stability and sense of support - allows the deepening.

6 levels of validation
Source: Psychotherapy Academy on YouTube

  • Level 1 Showing interest, being awake
  • Level 2 Accurate reflection (Imago)
  • Level 3 Put yourself in their position (empathy - read, reflect, check)
  • Level 4 Validate 3 with history (the history you know - message you know them)
  • Level 5 Based on current circumstances (it makes sense)
  • Level 6 Radical genuineness (as an equal - being real - more for therapists)

Key skills for effectively validating others
Source: TEDx Naomi Feil on YouTube

  • Empathy - honest with yourself - putting your feelings aside - empty vessel
  • Rephrase/mirroring - is this what you mean? - mirroring tone/pace
  • Polarity (upscale) What’s the worst thing about that…
  • Don’t lie/don’t argue - deep down they know - just projecting and too hard to see - listen and rephrase (as question)

Sources Links:

  • Naomi Feil (Founder of the Validation Training Institute)TEDx: CLICK HERE
  • Psychotherapy Academy on YouTube (6 levels of Validation): CLICK HERE
  • Imago work (Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt): CLICK HERE

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Episode 120 Check out Part 1 of this series to get the groundwork and insights into seeking validation from others: LISTEN HERE

Episode 121 Check out Part 2 of this series to discover the power of self-validation: LISTEN HERE


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