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What You Need To Know About Discomfort (If You Want To Grow) | BABH S2Ep125

season 2 Apr 05, 2022

EPISODE 125: What You Need To Know About Discomfort (If You Want To Grow)

Most people who find themselves in the personal development and self-help world are, at heart, nice people… or at the very least identify with being ‘nice’… pleasant, reasonable, non-confrontational…

They’re also fundamentally growth-seeking beings…

But here’s where a core struggle presents itself… a built in push-pull dynamic…

Good hearted, nice people tend to be wired to do everything in their power to reduce discomfort… in others and in themselves… one way or another…

And yet they seek growth… and discomfort is intrinsic to the growth of us beautiful, brilliant humans…

It’s a cause of much confusion, frustration and limitation… so what can we do about it?

Well in today’s episode we’re looking discomfort in the eye; at the myths, at the mistaken strategies and at a simple solution that resolves the paradox and helps us become more aligned so we can step confidently forward on our path.

Click that play button and let’s dive in.

Quick Links from this episode:


Discomfort Overview:

  • There's a difference between psychological discomfort and physical discomfort/pain 
  • No growth without discomfort
  • Comfort zones are the death of growth - Biggest stopping point
  • Boundary discomfort, the learning curve (eg. feeling incompetent)

Myths & Mistakes

  • Fixing discomfort
    • never ending circle
    • feelings of failure
  • Usually leads to avoidance of discomfort
    • stasis
    • keeping small

Avoidance Strategies 

  • Positive thinking
    • A lot of folk get confused by the 'positive thinking' vibe and miss that the happiness, peace or comfort, eternally available, does NOT mean that life is without discomfort in the outward experience.
  • Rationalised fear
    • Tricky thing: The best lies are based on some truth…
    • that’s what we do to ourselves…
    • but just like most lies, we know deep down..
    • and that’s especially true of the lies we tell ourselves…
    • the irony - how we know is discomfort…
  • So what we really do is push discomfort into our deeper recesses…
    • it doesn’t really go away…
    • It’s a signal - a mechanism of life - feedback
      • like the nervous system gives us pain - trust me you don’t want to be in a body that has no capacity to let you know when it’s in pain!

Distinction: I'm not talking about forcing yourself to go through edges before you’re ready - that's a one-way ticket to busting a fuse!


Get Comfortable With The Discomfort

I have often said that finding the inner place of 'comfort with the discomfort', 'peace with the war', 'forgiveness of the inability to forgive' etc (as distinct from trying to eradicate 'negative' experiences) is a profound key to releasing additional suffering from your life.

It's a practice which encourages you to embrace yourself, and rest Divinely in your wholeness.

Re Growth: Discomfort is an edge - a boundary - a signal - yay!
It says “You’re onto something, you’re about to grow”

The Adjustment means facing the lies…

The adjustment from hiding/muting yourself to speaking your truth can seem brutal initially. It's like the classic yanking off of a plaster, and it takes courage and a good deal of self love and self respect to go there...

Discomfort isn’t just internal - often one of our biggest challenges is becoming comfortable with the discomfort in others… especially when our growth means difficult conversations in relationships.

Relationship/boundary example… Boundary work I do in Boundary Bootcamp

One of the things I highlight in Boundary Bootcamp is that it's a matter of practise to express and navigate these things in the most Graceful ways; things going messy as you begin is all part of the process...

AND even when you have 'mastered the art' of communicating these things, even then there is no guarantee that it will be received with Grace. While you can provide the best opportunity for it in time, truly that is never in your control.

There’s gonna be ripples… uncomfortable ripples…

When the ripples subside, you and those you have spoken your truth with will be clearer and have the truth of each other more; such that decisions about your relationship will come from a more authentic place.

The tendency to feel terrible/guilty/responsible etc. is so understandable when the response to your speaking up gets messy; when people get triggered and hurt, or feel betrayed because, what you are now expressing doesn’t fit the model of you they have in their mind, or conflicts with their own ideals. After all, these are the very patterns that hold us in fear of being true.

The challenge when navigating this tricky terrain is moving from discomfort with discomfort to being comfortable with the discomfort - whether it's yours or theirs.

If you encounter resistance or a messy response when speaking your truth (assuming you have done your best to communicate it as kindly and clearly as is possible and appropriate) I encourage you to realise that feeling bad, guilty or responsible for their response is misplaced.

Remind yourself that your decision to speak your truth, or set a boundary, came from a genuine commitment to a deeper authenticity and honouring of YOU, your own values and the freedom to be yourself.

And by courageously offering it, you gift those very things, not only to yourself, but to the other.

Having poor boundaries can be the crux of so much suffering and is a major cause of chronic self-esteem issues. Over 4 weeks this programme digs deep and offers profound life-transformation; giving you everything you need to overcome your boundary blocks and build healthy boundaries that work for you.



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Episode 115 If you're discomfort-averse you're probably conflict-averse... in which case this 3 part series will really help youLISTEN HERE

Episode 93 Caring people often get overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility but it doesn't have to be that way. This episode lays out the key distinction: LISTEN HERE 


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