There’s a lot of societal and cultural support for the idea of ‘unforgivable’ and yet I have seen how much ongoing pain a lack of forgiveness can bring.
The problem is, there’s confusion about what it really means to forgive.
In this episode I want to help clear up that confusion, share some insight into the process of forgiveness and encourage you to take another look at those things you’ve filed under ‘unforgivable’
I’ll be sharing the 3 main stories we tell ourselves that may be preventing you from forgiving and keeping you locked in a cycle of pain.
And I also want to share Meredith’s story with you.
Meredith was able to forgive what she describes as:
“Specific trauma that had precipitated much of my life experience… including sexual abuse by nuclear family members, multiple attempted murders at the hands of those family members, and worse, complete hatred for who I was and a loss of spiritual connection”
It’s an inspirational story of transcendence and freedom which paints a picture of what’s possible, even in the most horrific of circumstances.
So hit that play button and let's get into it!
“Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expected them to die”
The story we tell ourselves when we don’t forgive is usually one, or a combination, of these 3 myths:
MYTH 1: ‘That will show them’
This is a passive aggressive strategy which hopes that they will focus on your lack of forgiveness, take it as punishment and feel bad. They rarely do, but if the strategy is successful then you are both colluding in a very toxic dynamic.
MYTH 2: ’They don’t deserve my forgiveness’
This is a justification for holding on to pain. It’s a more introverted, projection based story which again comes from the illusion that your lack of forgiveness impacts another. It’s an attempt to reclaim some sense of power, but actually results in the opposite.
MYTH 3: ’Forgiving them somehow makes their behaviour OK’
Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning their behaviour and everything to do with letting go within the self. So, not forgiving is only denying yourself your freedom from the past.
"Forgiveness is very much an inside job;
it’s an act of self-love which can free up a lot of energy, light and joy."