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The Dark Side of Pride | When Pride Stops You Getting What You Really Want | BABH S1Ep38

season 1 Jun 16, 2020

EPISODE 38: The Dark Side of Pride | When Pride Stops You Getting What You Really Want

Is pride secretly blocking you from getting what you want in life?

Have you ever heard yourself proclaim "I'm a giver, it's hard to ask for help", plus you secretly know that, even when it's offered, you find ways to bat it away?

Or perhaps heard yourself proclaim that you want more money, but at the same time find yourself sharing outraged posts on social media about 'the evil rich'?

Or perhaps there are other areas of your life where you are sending mixed messages, but maybe hadn't realised it?

If so, I think this episode is going to be an eye opener for you!

Pride has both positive and negative aspects. In episode 38 we take a look at the dark side where pride creates limitation and suffering.

We look at how pride mixed with identity can make for a sticky combination which is often hard to see in ourselves. And yet it can act as an impenetrable force-field, keeping out the very things we say we want to experience.

This episode will:

  • Show you how to recognise the symptoms
  • Help you understand why it can be so tricky to see in ourselves
  • Offer you some simple ways to let it go and start getting what you really want

Click that play button and let's get into it! 


The Positive Side of Pride:

A sense of accomplishment, self-respect and acknowledging what works in you (or for you)

The Dark Side of Pride:

Being proud of something (or being someone) that doesn't serve you. Holding in esteem an identity that limits you and/or creates suffering.

Signs of The Dark Side of Pride

  • Polarisation
  • Push-pull
  • Mismatching (eg a big ask + big resistance to receive)
  • Battling (overt or covert)


  • Wants money | won't let money in | "I'm poor and proud of it"
  • Wants love | won't let love in (pushes away/sabotages) | "I'm unloveable"
  • Wants to be accepted | Rejects group behaviour (must be different) | "I'm different"
  • Wants help | won't let help in | "I'm the giver/helper"

The Battle to Win and PROVE the identity

Even though the identity is causing limitation or harm it is heavily associated with seemingly positive associations, gives 'negative pleasure' and/or secondary gains.

The underlying idea is that 'Being this identity makes me better...'

Examples of secondary gains:

Being this

  • Keeps me strong
  • makes me better than them
  • Is safer
  • Avoids vulnerability
  • Means I know (and avoid facing/admitting 'not knowing')

When you catch yourself in the battle to prove you are unloveable, un-help-able, impoverished etc., ask yourself:

What if I win this battle? Is that really what I want?

The Mechanism

Pride in an identity closes the door to other possibilities and when it is counter to what you say you want, leads to an inability to receive or let it in.

You are in effect excluding yourself from the experience, and you can end up feeling:

  • Like an outsider
  • A sense of lack
  • Frustrated
  • Marginalised
  • Like a victim
  • Envy ("Why is it never me!?")

When you look the cost of these in the eye, perhaps you'll discover you've suffered enough? This is where the pain tips the scales of those secondary gains.

The NPA Process Open's The Doors

Identification (identifying with something or being someone) is a matter of personalisation or making something personal.

That can work either as:

  • That's me
  • That's NOT me

Both forms personalise things and create exclusion.

For example "I want to be rich and live free, but they are the elite 'haves' and I am one of the 'have-nots'. They're the rich - that NOT me" is a push-pull set up that will tend to repel abundance.

The NPA Process allows you to let go of these frozen and limiting identities, open the doors and include yourself in the vibration of what you really want.

You can download The NPA Process for free HERE


1:1 Sessions with Joel 👆🏻

Click image to get The NPA Process Sheet for free 👆🏻


Your authority response in Lockdown in Episode 29 👇🏻

Making the decision to let go in Episode 5 👇🏻

7 Power Perspectives For Being A Brilliant Human, Episode 17 👇🏻



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