BABH S1Ep11: BAH HUMBUG SYNDROME | Finding YOUR Happy Christmas

Joel Young:

Hello. Hello, hello, and welcome to the be a brilliant human podcast with me. Joel young and December is rolling on December 17th as this episode goes live. How amazing is that? Can't believe where 2019 has gone and I'm sure you hear that probably from yourself and from other people around you as well. So if you've just found me, it's found this podcast welcome. It's really great to have you along for this ride into the world of being a brilliant human. And you find us in Christmasy mode this month. I am going through with a theme about Christmas as it is Christmas month. And within that the way that I like to do these things, is have a theme but talk about something which can maybe be applied generally elsewhere to a certain degree. And also if you're a regular, thanks so much for being here.

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Just click that button, it will take you to the little device and you can just speak at your computer or your device. And leave me a message if you'd like it. If you're up for it, it can feature on the show at a later date, especially if have a question, it'd be great to hear the question from the person themselves. So go ahead and do that. You can find all of that. Be a brilliant human.com. So continuing the theme in this Christmas month, 2019 December. So today, I've titled it bar humbug syndrome, finding your happy Christmas. So bah humbug. It wouldn't surprise me if you, if you, if you haven't already had a moment of bah humbug as probably someone around, you know, who does the whole bar humbug thing. But I don't, I'd have a little look at the whole, you know, where does bar humbug come from?

And you probably know this already, but to get the, to get the absolute truth, I went to Wikipedia and it says, and I quote from Wikipedia, in modern usage, the word is most associated with the character Ebeneezer Scrooge created by Charles Dickens in his 1843. I didn't know it was 1843 novella. I didn't even know it was a novella. I just thought it was a whole book, a Christmas Carol, his famous reference to Christmas, bah humbug declaring Christmas to be a fraud. So there we go. So, but they did have a transformation in the end and hopefully if you're feeling bah, bah humbug, we can get you into that transformation today or at least show you the way. And actually I looked up humbug. The word humbug itself. It's a strange one, isn't it? But actually humbug is a person. So says the, the tinter-net that the person or object that behaves in a deceptive or dishonest way, that was a bit of a surprise.

It says, when referring to a person, a humbug means a fraud or imposter implying an element of unjustified publicity and spectacle. In other words, you know, why do they get the attention? And I don't. So it's, it's interesting though that it's about sort of being fraudulent. So let's talk about it cause okay, this is Christmas. We're talking about Christmas. Bah humbug with Scrooge and everything is generally thought of to be related to Christmas. But as I said in sort of just a minute ago, I do like the whatever offer, even if it's themed around a certain thing, generally I find that these sort of energies or the symptoms or these behaviours or these reactions sort of can be applied elsewhere, not just Christmas. Because if you think about it, you can be kind of bah humbug about lots of things or lots of events or situations. So you might be bar humbug about your birthday or you might be bar hunger, harm mug about love and relationships, or even about children haven't forfend.

You know, there's ways we can get into that bar humbug state in relation to things. I mean, usually if you think about it, when I think about humbug, nevermind the sort of the fraudster thing sort of comes with that energy of distaste and cynicism around the thing. And usually it's used in situations where whether they're kind of, there are norms or there's expectations or even rituals. If you think about Christmas, there's things that you just, it's what, just what you do at Christmas, right? So these things have become sort of roped ways of behaving. And the usual justification for the cynicism of that sort of the bar humbug is that those rituals are somehow become twisted or meaningless or empty. And you know, it often goes further because what you can end up doing if you're bar humbugging is accused those who go along with them as gullible fools or maybe they're sort of superficial SAPs bah humbug.

So so there's that sort of sort of cynicism, that meaninglessness, that emptiness. So what I want to do today is I want to look all of this sort of firmly in the eye. I want to have a look at, you know, what is the cost of taking up residence in that perspective? You know, what's the pain of it? And I want to offer some potential paths out of that pain. And also I think it's part of the whole deal is, is when, when you're sort of around someone who's In bah humbug Mo mode. So I wanna talk a bit about how you might respond to that bar humbug thing in your world in a way that sort of wholesome for them and wholesome for you. That sound good? All right, let's get into it.

[inaudible]

Okay. So what is the pain of bar humbugging of going into the bar humbug state? One of the way to look at in terms of, of, of pain is to look at the cost. You know, what does it, what does it cost you to be in that state? And it is a state. And in fact, I'm going to suggest that it's a reactive state. So if we go back to what I just said about how, you know, often it's a reaction to this are the rituals or especially the expectations in a way, what we're doing with the bar humbug is where we're rejecting or reacting against those expectations, which is another way to look at that is, is what you're really looking for is a sense of freedom from those expectations. But the thing about a reactive state is going to gain something is you're not really free from it.

So in a way, by coming into this sort of reactive reactive state and repeating that reactive state, you're, you're setting your own trap because freedom isn't a reaction. Freedom is a whole hearted choice and going into that reactive States or the bar humbug, if you think about it, you become in essence a victim of the of your realm reaction in a way. You set yourself up in a, in a very powerless state and it sort of comes into that sort of avoidant energy. So let's, let's think about that bit. So if you are, if you are taking sort of, I'm not going to be part of the clan of the Christmas, do the do thing, but what you're doing, you're not really sort of going into a place where you're looking at what, what really works for you. You're simply saying not that, not that, not that.

So that's not really taking you anywhere. And in fact, you're setting yourself up in a way you're saying, you know there's all these have to's, there's all these things that we're supposed to do and, and I am subject to the dogma of that. But I'm just not going to do it. So everything is sort of focused on not rather than what, right. So when you go into that state being a victim or being powerless or being avoided, and this happens in all sorts of areas, you know, that there's a real sort of a real impact on many levels. So if you, if you just feed it, if you go into that sort of cynical sort of against state, there's an impact because it closes the mind down. It's like what you're doing is shutting yourself off. If you go back to Scrooge, you know, he hit himself away in his house and he grumbled to himself, this is not, this is not an empowered, brilliant human state of mind or being, and you probably know this if you listened to this podcast, but having that state of mind affects you in so many ways, effects your emotions.

If you're thinking in those terms, if you're fighting against what's happening outside and other people that are subscribing to these ideas it's going to invite emotions that are more on the the clenched end of the spectrum. And, and the physiology reacts to that as you invite the thoughts and emotions. The physiology tends to be literally depressed or suppressed. So that, and if you think about the biology effect the way that biology works with emotions is it's, it's a chemical reaction. So if you have a happy thought, then you produce happy chemicals in the brain quite literally. And they race around the body and the body responds by opening into the sort of happy, open state. This is a state where the body is able to be high functioning in terms of the immune system and all of those you know, all of those functions that the body takes care of.

Now when you think these kinds of cynical depressive, angry thoughts, then your brain produces that. They're called neuropeptides. You can check out molecules of emotion by Candace PERT. She's done like masses of research. He's very famous for, for discovering the neuropeptide. But if you, so if you have these angry thoughts, you create little angry neuropeptides, which are literally chemicals that go around the body and your cell receptors will go, Oh, there's an angry chemical chemical. So therefore body goes into angry state or depressed state or cynical state, whatever that is. There's, there's these molecules for each of those thoughts and States. And that again, will have an impact on the immune system, on what the body feels. And even you can see the physiology, you know, how do you stand when you're in a happy state and how do you stand when you're in a depressed state?

It's very different because the entire body is responding to that. So States like, like aligning with the idea that you're a victim of the Christmas chair or you know, or your powerless to sort of to, to avoid it or to do anything different. These are, these are States that can have a really profound impact on you. And I also want to talk about what I notice, this is why I call it bah humbug syndrome syndrome. Because in a way we can get into identifying with the idea of bah humbug. It's like, it's almost become kind of trendy to, to be bah humbug about let's say the commercialism of Christmas. And that's, that's a sort of a subtle and seductive idea so we can very unconsciously aligned with it. And you know, again, I've talked a lot about when, if you, if you go and investigate NPA non-personal awareness, the MPA process, I talk a lot about how it works with shifting the identity and how your beliefs, emotions and biology really a subject to identity.

But the thing about identities and especially the bah humbug identities, there can be like a sort of a secondary gain as sort of a, an what I call a negative pleasure. It's like sort of delighting in the misery now might not be that you're like fully in that like, let go, you know, it was sort of really in the delights of being miserable. But there are subtle ways that this could show up and it just anchors in those States, which again has that impact on your thoughts, your feelings and your body. So it's worth asking. You know, what's, what's the real issue? Are you blindly bah humbugging? So a way to ask, so is, you know, what is it specifically that's really bugging you? You know, it's like you need to get clear on, you know, what is the issue, which we're going to look at in, in the, in the next piece. But it's like, what is the thing that's actually bothering you about this? Or are you just aligning with a general sort of field of, of cynicism around Christmas? Because when you get clear on what it is specifically that you're in reaction to, then you can make different choices about how you respond to that and be in your, you actually do something about it so that you can have a better experience. So let's talk about some alternatives to bar humbugging. [inaudible]

Okay. Okay. So if you really get that there's a cost to doing the Bahar, bump up the Bah-humblumpa-dinkydink. , the cost to the bar humbug thing. That was fun. Then, you know, you're probably thinking, well, okay, so that's all well and good, but what's the way out? I mean, you don't want to, it's not about just going, Oh, you know, Sod it, I just surrender and do, do the Christmas thing according to the rules. Because remember that we talked about how, you know, often that bio humbug thing is a reaction. And I said that freedom is not a reaction but a whole hearted choice. I mean, I get it. It's like, I mean, who wants to subscribe to things or do things that don't feel good, right? I mean, I certainly don't and I don't, that's not what I'm about.

I don't encourage you to sort of just have give in and, and do the do if it doesn't work for you. The thing is like is how do you respond to that pressure to do it? You know, again, you can become a victim or if you entertain the idea that you're powerless, it's just another form of subscription. You see, you're still tangled up in that dynamic, in the energy, through the reaction. So write this down, fighting the half dues is believing the half dues. In other words, your, you're giving it power. When you find something, you're engaging in it, you're still trapped in it. You're still subscribed to the idea that those ideas, those, those have to's, those expectations, those rituals, those norms have some power over you. So the answer here is, is to step into empowerment and freedom. So there is some good questions that you can ask yourself here.

I like sort of powerful questions. Self-Inquiry. The first one is, you know what actually works for you. It's like, Oh bah humbug. I can't do it. But what actually works for you? You know, what, what do you want out of the Christmas experience or w of your bar humbug about your birthday or about, you know, whatever it is. It's like, what do you want? I mean, it's quite challenging to, to actually come out of that sort of, again, the secondary game of the bar gain of the identity, the bar humbug as you can just hide in your room and just be miserable. It's quite confronting to actually ask yourself, well, what do I actually want? You know, you know, what does your happy Christmas look like? Or your happy version of whatever you're feeling, bah humbug about, you know, really owning it. And that's going to take some, again, some time just sit and sit and ponder, you know, what, what do I really want here in relation to this Christmas experience?

You know, and if, if, if you have any resistance that comes up to those questions, you know, ask yourself, you know, what's constraining you. You know, maybe it's, maybe it's fear, literally the fear of stepping into owning your desires, your wants, your needs, what works for you, which often can come in the form of, you know, fear of other opinions, which again, gives them the power. Right. you know, and if you are just playing a role and sort of, you know, sometimes the, the identity, the bar humbug identity is about being superior, you know, you kind of you know, I'm going to have to hang out with the ordinary people, you know, who are doing the do you know, which, which is, and it can be humiliating to the identity to actually you know, to look at itself and to step into something else.

So, you know, it's really worth looking at what, what really works for you, what do you want, what does it look like? And you know, and if there's a resistance to it, what is the nature of that resistance? And then you can actually start to look at dealing with those, whether it's the fear or the empowerment and those kinds of things. But it puts you in a automatically puts you in a more empowered state rather than this sort of victim reaction. And also I want to put to you what if Christmas was an invitation to be open hearted and celebrate life itself? And then you get to decide, you know, sort of a, if you want to do that and, and be, how, how do you want to do that? Because again, when you get into that bar humbug, again, you're subscribing to the idea that the Christmas is a half two and there's a form and there's a that that's just, that's all it is.

Or again, if you, if you're into the sort of the whole, you know let's get out of the, the sort of the Christianity aspect of Christmas that whatever the time is, whatever the celebration is, it's like all of these things, if you look at them as invitations just to, just to have a nice time, nevermind the form is like just asking yourself, do you want to have a nice time? And if so, how does that, you know, how would that work for you? What works for you? Because what works for you? And, and really coming into that is a whole different world than, you know, going into the whole, you know, it's all, it's all crap. I don't want a part of any of it. All right. So that's, that's your task this week. If you notice a hint of our humbugs stop and ask yourself, well, what do I really want here? What really works for me and how can I put that into action?

[music]

Okay. So the final piece of the equation here really is, is how to have a healing response to your bar humbug, buddy. So, you know, you know what it's like if there's someone around you who's in that sort of misery, bah humbug sort of mode around you, especially at Christmas time when you're, you know, you wanting to celebrate and all that stuff, it can have an impact on unit. It's very natural to want to respond. Well, that's from a sort of a genuine artist. You know, I want to help them feel and have a nice time or just the sort of like, can you just get over yourself cause you're pissing me off. You know, perfectly normal, perfectly, natural reactions. But isn't that what you want to respond to that the standard response for someone is "oh come on, stop being such a miserable bugger".

And that really, I don't know if you've noticed, but that really doesn't work cause it because let's face it, if you align or you agree with what I'm saying about the sort of general position of bah humbug, it's already in reaction to expectations. So you just adding more pressure on, I mean, what happens when someone puts pressure on you? It will be true for, you know, the overwhelming majority of us humans is when the pressure comes on, we tend to dig our hooves in, right? You know, it just, it just, you know, they're already reacting to the pressure and more pressure is going to make just probably used to a bigger reaction. And even if they do respond in some way, you can feel because we're energetic beings or underlying pressure that's happening underneath the surface surface. So, so what's my suggestion here? Well, ultimately set them free.

Let them off the hook. I mean, that's what they want. They want freedom. I mean, ultimately it's their responsibility. I know to look at their own ways of freedom that we sort of covered that in the last section. But you can certainly add to that by in your energy set them free, just to, just to, to be okay with them being what they are. Now you really want to help. You need to ask them sort of genuine questions about what they want. So in the same way that I suggested that, you know, if you're finding yourself in about humbug sort of state, you know, ask yourself what you want, but you know, asking them, so what, what does work for you? What do you want? What would make you feel happier, better you know, more alive in the moment. And so it was really staying open to, to them.

And it's, it's kind of important here too, to ask, you know, in a general, and I think genuine questions because it's like to really get into that state, within yourself of inquiry with them. You know, what, you know, what is it that you really want, you know, what would, what would work for you? Is that going home? Cause that could be, it could be a genuine owns you know, or just what does it look like? It just, it's that invitation. You inviting them, facilitating that whole thing of you know, what, for them to come into an empowered state and, and decide what works for them. So that's a way that you can sort of have a more healing response to them. Another thing that helps in these situations is just a do your thing. Part of setting them free and not trying to pressure them to be something that they're not in the moment.

It's just to model it, you know, do, do what you wanna do. It might sound, Oh well that's a bit callous, but an empowering thing to do with someone is not just again to engage with, to fight it, to therefore agree with their state. But just to go and be happy yourself. Do what works for you, you know, and if I live, I tried to enlist you cause you know that that's often the case. You know, they want you to agree with their cynicism. Or maybe they go into that judging your choices you know, or don't respond positively to your genuine offer of love and support. Then just don't take it personally. Of course, you know, if you've downloaded the NPA sheet, you know you can do that from beabrillianthuman.com/npasheet. You can use NPA. Last week I gave an example of of someone, because we were talking about sort of these sort of Christmas situations that we tend to take personally.

I mean this is one of those, it wasn't exactly on the list, but you can certainly use the NPA process. You just sort of take yourself away, do some NPA and it'll help you. If you're, if you're getting a bit hooked into their sort of bar humbug drama, then then it can free you from being entangled in that then then you're part of the solution. You're part of the decision certainly for you, but you're not buying into it. You're not adding to the energy of it and it's certainly kinder to you. And the other thing is, is to not, not have an agenda with them, if, if possible. Again, that comes back to the having a genuine asking genuine questions. Again, an agenda is like stealth pressure.

It's like, you know, if what your, you know, if what you're saying is, you know, so what would really help to to sort of, to make you happy? And then they, they, they don't give a an answer that actually has an impact. Then you get stroppy then you've got an agenda there. What you're really doing is not genuinely inquiring to what's going on for them or what would help them. You're just trying to get them to change to suit you, which I totally get, right. It's Christmas, come on, snap out of it, which is exactly what's going on if you've got an agenda. So it's very different. So if you can watch what's your agenda when it comes to interacting, and again, coming back to yourself, being empowered in what you want to do is a way of stepping into the very energy that I'm suggesting is a solution for them.

And that can be contagious. How wonderful is that if you just get on with it and don't make them wrong for being how they are, but you can inquire. I'm really sort of to to, to finish up and to sort of really highlight that to a degree. It is important to honour your boundaries after all, let's say that the Christmas is happening in, in your house or whether he's not in your house. But someone's being particularly bah humbug and it's really dragging things down. Then part of just doing your thing is, is honouring your boundaries. It's okay to to get to a point where you say, you know what, this isn't working for me. And then, you know, however that looks in terms of, of just making sure that you look after you again, you know, with, with boundaries. Boundaries are so important.

I think they've got a bad rap. I took a lot this in in the bounty bootcamp, which, you know, again, at the time of this recording currently closed, but you can sign up for the wait list. If you go to let's, what's the URL for that? It's NPA, which is November, Papa alpha four (number 4). Dot me slash boundary bootcamp. And they've both got a capital B Boundary and Bootcamp. And that was a long explanation, wasn't the www.NPA4.me/BoundaryBootcamp capitals on the b's. And you can start with the wait list if so, if I'm talking about boundaries and if you go boundaries, God, they're a nightmare of the heart or have issues around them. Then you know, really bounty bootcamp going to be a place where you can really work out on that and really get to a place where you can be comfortable and powerful with your boundaries. All right? So yeah, so hold your boundaries. Be clear about what works for you and what doesn't. All right, so let's round this thing up. So actually let me give you some music and then we'll round it up. How about that?

[music]

Oh, that's better, Chance to collect my thoughts. Doesn't say professionally and neatly. Right? Good job. I've got this year to commit to my imperfection. Go back to episode one for details. All right, so round it up. So here's, here's a quick summary. So bah humbug is normally a reactive and disempowered state. So instead of going into that, which affects your mind, body, spirit, the whole, the whole shebang, choose you, do what works for you and don't miss the invitation to be happy, which is what these things are. So just find your version of happy. And I hope that some of the invitations I've given to you to ask yourself some powerful questions or to to sort of handle in a wholesome way, your reaction to someone who's bah humbugging or or yourself. If you're bah humbugging I've made a verb out of there somehow.

Then I hope that that's, that's really helped you and inspired you or at least given you a chocolate in points throughout today. So I so appreciate you spending this time here with me. Thanks so much. Do remember to subscribe. Leave me a message if you feel like it and offer any feedback. Reviews are always very welcome. So I do want to mention one thing. So as ever, I kind of point to some, some issues that can be quite core for some people. So taking up residence in identity of misery is something which is hard to admit, but it, it's part of what creates a lot of sufferings. So as ever I'm available for one-to-one support. You can find details at www.Joelyoungnpa.com/sessions and I do want to mention today that from January 11th the, the fees for my sessions are going up sort of quite significantly.

But what I'm doing is anyone who is a client before then gets locked into the current prices for the next year. So it's a good time. Now if, if you've been thinking about maybe I'll work with Joel, have a look at that page, joelyoungnpa.com/sessions and if you, if you decide to come and work with me before January 11th, then those prices will be locked in for another 12 months. And you can on that page book sort of sort of a chat with me now is Christmas between now and then and I am taking time off. But you can you can email me or at least have a look at when you can book some time in. If you get in touch, we can just have a chat and find a time just to have a quick chat about if it works for you, what's right for you, what you want to achieve with working one-to-one with me.

And I have, I'm going to blow my own trumpet here, forgive me, but I am going to blow my own trumpet. I'm bloody good at what I do. I really am. And I've got lots and lots of testimonials with people. It's one of the things I love is working one on one, really working with the energy of someone, helping them to, to really shift their perspective and anchor that new perspective in, in a powerful way to make a real and profound difference in their life. So if you want to get in before the price rise on January 11th, then get in touch and, or you can book straight away on that page. Also as ever, the links will be in the show notes. I've mentioned NPA. If if you're dealing with other people's opinions and all those kinds of things, NPA in the process is great.

You can get hold of that. Again, all of this will be available on beabrillianthuman.com. You'll find links there. Do you want to go straight there? Then you can do www.NPA4.me/npasheet and that will also get you there. And finally, because I dropped in and put myself off the last section, boundary bootcamp I better mention how to find out about that. You can get on the wait list. It'll be opening again sort of in the first quarter of the, of the new year of 2020 and you can find that at NPA4.me/BoundaryBootcamp with capital B's on the B. So we're still in December. Next week. Next week will be the 17th, I think. Well, I don't know. Goodness me, next week will be Christmas Eve. Goodness me Tuesday falls on Christmas Eve. There will be an episode coming out on Christmas Eve. It's a bit of a tongue in cheek one, a bit of fun.

And I've called it Great Questions To Ask Yourself When The Turkey Burns. Apologies to the vegans and vegetarians. I'm just going with the general, I'm speaking to the masses here, although the vegetarian and veganism is on the rise so great questions to ask yourself when the Turkey burns and other Christmas crises. So it's, it's a bit of fun and I hope you'll tune in. I know it's a busy day, but yeah, you're wrapping the presence doing all those Christmas Eve things. Stick the podcast on and hopefully I can join you. It would be my privilege to join you in on Christmas Eve, so I will see you then. Otherwise, thanks so much for being here and I will see you then.

[music].