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When Should I 'Should' Myself? | BABH S1Ep97

season 1 Aug 10, 2021

EPISODE 97: When Should I 'Should' Myself?

Is there a good time to use 'should', or is it always bad?

Should is a word around which there is a lot of conflicting dogma; Dogma which can create a lot of mixed messages and confusion.

Generally, in the personal development world, 'should' is considered bad and you're generally encouraged to stop should-ing all over yourself.

Society generally champions the 'should' in the name of correctness, obligation and proof that you are worthy of being part of the clan.

In my opinion, which I'll be sharing with you today, these mixed messages are very polarising. And the trouble with polarising (As we're seeing so much in the world today) is that a nuanced discussion is lost, we miss the positive aspects of different perspectives and lose the gift that each perspective could bring.

In this episode we're going to take a nuanced look at the self directed 'should'.

I'll offer you my perspective on

  • The dark side of 'should'
  • If you're suffering from it how to get free
  • The often missed situation where is self-directed 'should' is good.

My aim today is to help you find a place of more authentic self-love and kindness, free from inner harshness and miss placed judgement so you can feel more connected to who you really are.

So hit that play button and let's jump in!


NOTES:

The Dark Side

Should based on someone else's idea/ideal/formula etc which is not truly aligned

Self directed 'should' as judgement

  • Harsh
  • Creates internal pressure
    • friction
    • stuckness
    • donkey hooves
  • As a mismatch
    • confusion
    • disconnection
    • loss of self

The Light Side

Should as honest self-confession and a healing admission of your denials; self prescribed medicine which heals.

Underlying energy

  • Softness
  • Openness
  • realisation
  • aligned (for you)

When You're Jammed Up with a 'Should'

  • Soothe and soften
  • Recognise it's just an idea
  • Accept where you (actually) are
  • Self dialogue
    • internal togetherness
    • compassion
    • allowing

This takes the pressure of, un-jams the energy and gives you space to find what's really true for you.

Signals & Action

SHOULD > pressure/friction > you're not aligned > soothe, soften, space, re-connect

SHOULD > relief/realisation > aligned and productive


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Support Can Really Help: Let Me Help You

If you'd like some expert support as you undergo this process (especially if you're having a hard time with this kind of situation) then reach out and let me help you.

You can check out my session details and even set up a quick chat with me: Get in touch and let's have a chat about some 1:1 sessions with me


RELATED EPISODES

Episode 93 Ideas around the responsibility for other people's emotions is the source of lots of 'shoulds' LISTEN HERE

Episode 81 A 'Lid On' life is a life with many 'shoulds'... If you're feeling the pull to break free LISTEN HERE


RELATED LINKS:

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