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Which Self Is My Best Self? | BABH S1Ep75

season 1 Mar 09, 2021

EPISODE 75: Which Self Is My Best Self?

Do you ever ask yourself questions along the lines of:

"Is this a situation that requires me to bring out my tough love or my softer side?"

"Is it time to bring out my inner boss or my inner team player?"

But sometimes the answer isn't clear and it can feel like two parts of you get into a battle for supremacy; it's like 'War of The Selves'; you're all jammed up; you're confused, afraid and not sure... "Which self is my best self right now?"

Sometimes you end up paralysed. Sometimes you end up getting the opposite outcome to what you wanted...

Well, in this episode we're going to look at the thinking that perpetuates this inner conflict and why it's flawed. Plus I'll share my take on how you can end the war and get the outcome you really want.

So click that play button and let’s get into it!

Are you interested in learning a magically quick and incredibly powerful conflict resolution tool?

I'm considering doing a live, online event or product where you'll learn the practical tools that come out of this conflict resolution model. Whether it's conflict with others, inner conflict or issues that come up for you when those around you are in conflict, this event will give you the keys to inner peace, harmony and resolution.

Let me know your interest by emailing me directly at [email protected] 


Episode Bullet Points:

  • There isn't one self that is 'the best' in ALL situations

  • The flawed thinking that keeps you going round in circles
    - In episode 74 I outlined the dualistic thinking where there is a 'right way' and a 'wrong way'
    - This could also show up as the idea of a 'good way' or a 'bad way'; or ways that would somehow define you as a good or bad person.

  • The viscous circle of polarised thinking
    - Dualistic (or polarised) thinking is re-enforced by confirmation bias
    - Internalised dynamics of victim-persecutor can be prevalent
    - There can be a lack of trust in the less dominant part
    - The cycle often leads to collapse, which plays into the confirmation bias and keeps the strategies in place.

  • Going Wider (a more wholesome approach)
    - Assume both parts have a positive intention (just different routes/strategies to get there)
    - Go wider to find a common intention that works for both parts
    - Focus on that common intention

  • Questions to working with the common intention
    - What does it look like?
    - How can each part contribute to it?
    - What within each of the existing strategies DOES'T contribute to the common intention?
    - What other (new) strategies could contribute to the common intention that both parts can feel aligned with?
    - What if the common intention itself was in charge for this?

Let Me Help You

If you're experience conflict in your life and would like to experience some powerful 1:1 work to support you in finding your harmony and feeling peaceful and free then get in touch and let's have a chat about some 1:1 sessions with me

NPA Mastery

If you are interested in finding out how you can work with people 1:1 in powerful resistance-free ways, then take a look at our NPA Mastery Programme.


Episode 74 Lays out the dualistic thinking and a new relational model in detail LISTEN HERE

Episode 60 Will give you more insight into polarity thinking LISTEN HERE

Episode 47 Explains the idea and perils of confirmation bias (with James Lavers) LISTEN HERE


For in-depth training on how to live the resistance-free way, find out more and jump in to The NPA Process: Advanced Training 

Click image to get The NPA Process Sheet for free 👆🏻

1:1 Sessions with Joel 👆🏻


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